How Do I Respond to Conflict, Adversity

Communication in Marriage
(this is applicable to any relationship)

Peacemaker: One who tends to help other resolve conflict.

For this is a big deal, because I am the one with the false ideas peace at any cost, meaning am the one who tend to avoid conflict. Yes conflicts can be messy but communication is apart of relational covenant. There is a way of healthy communication and yes healthy quarrels.

Boundaries: Helps us keep the good in and the bad out. Which means I don’t allow abuse to happen nor do I have to accept abuse.

Hebraic Studying

I am currently taking a classes with Covenant-U, and the foundation of Bible and from a Hebraic perspective as to the traditional Greek perspective in theology studies. The Bible was written by a Hebrews so why not learn about the foundation to the writer.  It still shocked people that Jesus Christ, was a Jewish man. Hence if Jesus was a Jew why not learn from Hebraic study.  I learn that biggest difference (in a summary) in Greek/Western thinking and Hebraic thinking is that Hebraic requires action/doing, carryout in life and relationships and Greek/Western is thinking/philosophical, its all head knowledge. That Hebraic expects conflict and it okay with conflict, Greek think can not accept conflict but must rationalize everything.

I am not fluent in Hebrew and the English Bible is a translation of a translation. I hope to learn Hebrew along the way. This current class was on How Do I Responding to Conflict, Adversity, or Persecution, it  where the material is taken from below.

  • Communication in Marriage
  • Biblically Dealing with Conflict

Communication in Marriage

A contemporary word for truth is reality.

  • A covenant marriage is about giving to one another
  • Covenant is abut faithfulness, rust and honesty.
  • Covenant abuse is when one spouse is expecting the other to meet all their needs for them.
    • Most marriages are about giving to get something, not unconditional giving.
  • Communication produces trust and love.
  • Decision making should involve both parties.
  • Men should love their wives as Christ loves the Church and gave His life for it.
  • Either spouse can manifest the wrong spirit at any time. Just like Peter did when Jesus told him to “get behind me Satan” (note strongly suggest not stay that”get behind me Satan” to spouse in a heated moment…just saying we both can be or parting out the wrong motive.)
  • Use anger as an opportunity to find out why you are responding so defensively.
  • God is supposed to meet our need of significance, love, security and out basic need of food, water and shelter.
    • When we try to meet this needs ourselves usually we come from a position of pride, shame, or fear.
  • Having excessive expectation of pus spouse can produce disappointment.
  • Feeling rejected or being inappropriate criticized can manifest anger
  • Apologies are nice.
  • Reflection your spouse’s feeling shows you are listening.
  • Clarifying what is being communicated involves true listening.
  • Pouting, withholding sex, bringing up the past, proud looks, threats, being curt, and humiliating them are forms of retaliation.
  • Non-verbal communication speaks louder than words.

Taking Action

List your spouse’s positives on paper. Romans 15:2 “Accept on another, just as Christ also accepted us to the glory of God“.

Communication:

  • Do your really listen?
  • Thankfulness?
  • Can I disagree?
  • Can I express my emotions?
  • Do I enjoy doing things together?
  • Am i non-judgmental?
  • Am I slow to speak?
  • Can I go to be angry?
  • Do I use anger to control?
  • Do I nag, blame and criticize?
  • Do I understand my spouse’s strengths and weaknesses?
  • Do I gossip?
  • Am I too sarcastic?
  • Are my compliments sincere?

Conflict Resolution

a. Identify the problem.

b. Set up a time to discuss it.

c. Discuss areas of agreement and conflict.

d. Identify the needs of your spouse.

e. Explore alternatives.

f. Make a decision together.

g. If both parties disagree, continue to pray and wait for peace.

e. Reconvene in a couple of days when emotions die down.

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