Freestyle Writing: New Season Begins

WARNING: FREESTYLE typing below. No spell checking. No editing. Not sure who’s going actually read this so give a warning. It’s not gear to anyone.  random thoughts. Listening to music and only fingers moving upon a keyboard to reveal:

Letting go of the ideas and actual happening is SO not ideal or “nice”. For long time think been… self-writing with MY-day-dream to stay a on going. Breaking out on stage is that is your life on stage is on fire.

All those hours, heck life-time of  MY “editing” the storyboard, retakes, making it perfect  for MY story to play out on the big screen. I think God you forgot that I signed up to be the director of this production. This is not what I planned to actually have a role, when did that happen ME not being the director of MY story-line.  At first played it  out all passive. Really not it was all predictable and know the out come of daily-story line. Maybe next to send a memo to the Head Office, forget the contract out lines about what presented to me about promises this “Bigger Story”.  Hey I event sent thank you notes to the God for sent the professional seasoned agents to tell me with encouraging notes and Office director notes.

Ginny Owens- “No Boarders”

I hide behind the comfort of my castle

where everything is up to me

There seem still the whole stage production available. Hence there’s still able to gather the left over props, and background stage. Seems on going conflict working with real people and seasoned agents interrupting MY-IDEAL-storyline. Beginning to think what those agents are saying and what I see are not the same picture. No matter, cause just need to remind God at the Create Office. Hence I will need send another memo, not…a letter to the Creative Office. MY-story line is not back on track. Someone failed to explain that His way perfect story line, that some how it was not clear there a misrepresentation of good and perfect. Even though the “sales men” told of Life-Creator who is out out of the story-line. I don’t get how that was a an out of story-line, about to step into various stories with haters, burnouts, and rejected, thumbs down Reviewers, and turning to live-filming production. I still in question of this His ideas sending his Beloved son to die for unjust world and missed up individuals to Co-Labor.  Even a pitch with fire-proof insuranceHELL!!! My story life is up in submerged now with flames dancing. Disappoint sets in that all the MY-whole-life-production is no more. This was the orgianal point I thought to acknowledge I need the original Life-Creator help in creating MY-story

JJ Heller “When You Come Back”

I don’t know how to follow you without losing my way
Jesus come and take me by the hand
I don’t know how to trust that you will do the things you say
Spirit teach me how to understand

Retakes, the Creative Office was kind of the send a Helper, Assistant Director. He seem to have this out the story-line ideas. At first seemed okay give it a try. He revealed there are Critical-Voices been listening and taking affect in  the production. Help separating which the voicemails to delete of the Hatters. He even would bring the Life-Creator workers on the production scene. Wow, how freeing!! I agreed  to accept his help (okay selectively). Mainly when the Critics and Reviewer threaten at gates of MY-production.

This Assistant Director seems get the message not clear to me cause His idea and mine are not panning out  as I SAW to how it should happen.  Heck, I left should notes  all the time every where.  little moments I allow the Assistant Director to ACTUALLY have access to production area. However it seem they NEVER play the way I WANTED IN MY-STORY!!! Lately been He’s having water leaks in the studios and different areas of MY-Production area. MY-story lines are coming undone with recent flooding in major areas. NO BIGGY need to send an email to Creative Office about the Assistant Director’s “water damage” that caused been trying maintenance and complete rebuild and design area. Slowly  and remottely thinking over the contract on the “Bigger Story”.

I know the Assistant Director is on the Trinity board of the Creative Office. I got this feeling down deep that’s like the great Life-Creator…I was not notify of the creative board meeting and plans.  Beginning to have fear panic attacks that maybe the Assistant Director is trying to direct MY-STORY projects and I don’t know what He’s going to do next. I can’t predict anything, I can’t even be sure if it’s good. Seems the whole production is about to go under.  This does not look nor feel like anything good. Does He really know what is good is? How can He know what is a good for my story line? Literally underwater, if I don’t get grips on My-Story line..maybe if I protest the Creative Office. Gather’s what can from My-life production and show MY-plans and ideas and remind them a promise of the Bigger Story. All my effort and striving for My-Production. Not sure if was a successful effort.

Jon Foreman- “The Cure for Pain”

I’m not sure why it always goes downhill
Why broken cisterns never could stay filled
I’ve spent ten years singing gravity away
But the water keeps on falling from the sky

And here tonight while the stars are blacking out
With every hope and dream I’ve ever had in doubt
I’ve spent ten years trying to sing these doubts away
But the water keeps on falling from my eyes

And heaven knows, heaven knows
I tried to find a cure for the pain
Oh my Lord! To suffer like you do
It would be a lie to run away

So blood is fire pulsing through our veins
We’re either writers or fools behind the reigns
I’ve spent ten years trying to sing it all way
But the water keeps on falling from my tries

And heaven knows, heaven knows
I tried to find a cure for the pain

The Helper in small moments  to the heart came to reveal the parts had been filtered out or crossed out from the Life-Production-Manaul.   Choice have part of the “Bigger Story” with agreed to sign over completely. Heart pounding.. aches of unknown, with tears & silent nod. Somewhere in the meetings, I missed the actual pitch about life-production of Bigger Story. It seems that some how missed it. The “sale agent” said  that if accepted this contract with great all time, story-line with be perfect the  original Life-Creator, think must fell asleep or someone forgot to mention about all troubles, its actually hard, WHO?!? placed that phrase in the contract of exchange and reconstruction from MY to OUR-story….

. Now a notice to the Creative Office: undergoing change to a  heart-production. I think  you forgot MY original drafts. How could you allow the MY-life-storyline be formatted…dissolved. Now there’s not even able to savage any of my back-ups. Yet it seems fighting against all MY well and strength to keep MY story-line. I’ve screamed, pleaded, cried out all to hold onto confetti piece of My-Story. I don’t know who sent the specialist to press the button of tons of water like a ocean wave to wipe out  all that was left…while I was still on set. Overwhelmed is understatement of being. Only a plank board drifting off the production lot. Its at a point…
nothing is left. I resign my position to the Creative Office. Drained nothing left to put out. Even the plank is falling to piece being a stage prop not even real wood. Sob. Nothing. . .

It’s here the next season is approaching. Can feel it yet, don’t know what it will look. Question journey of this heart-production:

Figure make this a place to be “drop” out the ideas and thoughts. I struggling with that this is not YOUR story. I am struggling that you forget the direction of this story. Who is the character. It there even a name. Where is the plot going? Nothing I imagined in my mind of storyboards. I feel as though there is no story lines, plot development. It hurt in my heart suspension rear up of Thee ….speaking out …it wreck inside…sneaking suspensions that this was never about my story. Hence the bigger story is not a spotlight of MY story. Hence narrow-minded with limited vision. Real people to  point out how the truth. Starting to question to even think that maybe there’s a different story in place. Yet stumble to hope it was all about me…seemly lack the ability grasping to see if any thing of My-story. The problem is that I was not in braining storming meetings…now its the opened book of my heart to His eyes. Like got kickoff the board meetings once agreed to the invite you God. It’s feels like you wrote me out of MY own story.  feeling…panic feeling…hopeless feeling… It’s to late…

Ginny Owens- “No Boarders”

I hide behind the comfort of my castle

where everything is up to me

these walls are high, but not enough to drown out

the whispers and the wondering of what I haven’t seen

You call me to the great unknown of all You have for me

no borders, no boundaries

could ever be enough

….freely now I run

with no borders, no boundaries

Lord I’m surrendered to Your love

it’s time that I abandoned the familiar

to chase what I don’t understand

You’re teaching me that when I trust Your promise

So when the night surrounds me

And I can’t hear Your heartbeat

I’ll hold on to what I know

That even in the trial

….

You will lead me back to hope

Ironically, that is where new beginnings are start…cause Life is Calling.

Morning Light Beaming Through

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s